Breastfeeding in Public

I have approximately 77 billion things to say on the topic of bodies, shame, sexuality, motherhood, breastfeeding, public health, obesity, body image, sex, gender, etc. So today, I am going to try to keep a narrow focus on one thing that is pretty important in my day-to-day: Breastfeeding in public.


First off, I am going to get a couple things out of the way because I don't want to talk about them but they need to be said.

• Regardless of the political history of the word "mammal"* that is what we human-beings are: mammals. We have specialized glands that produce food for our babies and our babies need to eat specialized food.
• Breast milk is "the perfect food" for an infant and has many health benefits for mom and baby.
• That being said, formula is not only NOT POISON, it is also a super important, super useful thing. My father had a wet-nurse and some of his siblings died in infancy because my grandmother's milk never came in - those babies would have survived if she had had access to formula and clean water. Formula saves lives in extreme cases and saves maternal sanity in many other cases (a good friend could not take her medication that allows her to function while breast feeding, so she did not breast feed and that was GOOD). Also, if parents can feed their kids Happy Meals all the time then we have no business looking down our noses at parents who feed their kids formula *for any reason* ever - formula is the equivalent of feeding your kids all fruits and vedgies and lean meats.  
• A woman's worth as a person is not dependent on her mother-status. A woman's worth as a mother is not dependent on any one parenting choice she makes. Parenting is one of those things that is hard because there is not one right way, or even a set of right ways. 
• Babies are intrinsically valuable to society. We NEED younger generations - not only in the propagation of culture sense, but in the someone-needs-to-be-paying-into-Social-Security-when-I-am-old (let alone be young and spry enough to care for me as I age) sense. 
• Not everyone needs to have babies or even should have babies. Parents and Non-Parents are both valuable to society.
• I am going to use the word "mom" to refer to a person who breastfeeds a baby because it is linguistically simple. Sometimes, people who are not "moms" breastfeed babies and they are important and their experiences are valuable, I just don't want to have to keep having this aside.

Phew! 

Ok. Now that we got that out of the way, lets talk about breastfeeding in public. 

I breastfeed my baby. It's been a challenge mentally and physically, and I have benefited from some major privilege that has helped me be successful at it (super helpful, cohabitating coparent; enough money saved to take 13 weeks off work; a job that allowed me to take that time off; a job that allows me to pump at work; etc), but so far, the main take away for me is that it has been very rewarding and I am happy that I get to do this. 

Not only do I breastfeed, but I also *gasp* go out in public! Often, my baby accompanies me in public spaces. Babies, unlike older humans, need to eat many times a day and are not good about keeping schedules all of the time. Babies also do not yet speak English or understand the concept of waiting - when a baby is hungry, it is hungry now and wants to eat now thankyouverymuch. So, when I am out and about in public, my baby will inevitably get hungry and need to be fed. At this point, I have a few options:

1. Take my crying baby home to feed her.
2. Feed my baby formula or pre-pumped breastmilk. 
3. Get out my boob shield and convince my struggling baby that what she wants is to be perfectly still and eat under cover
4. Put my baby to my breast and let her eat. 

Option 1 is ridiculous, impractical, and depending on how far from home I am at the time, often impossible/bordering on child mistreatment. 

Option 2 is a thing... I know people who do this but these are the reasons that I do not: 1. If I feed my baby formula, I will then need to pump because otherwise my boobs will get full which leads to discomfort/pain and a wet shirt. If I do not pump after feeding my baby formula, my body will produce less milk and begin the weaning process (which is something I would rather plan on my and my baby's schedule). 2. Carrying around formula or breastmilk is a logistical pain in the butt. You need refrigeration and/or access to potable water and/or access to a way to heat it all up, etc. 3. I don't always think ahead that much - to pack the bottles and supplies or even to pump in advance. 4. That's a lot of work just to feed your baby when the milk is already there, in an easy package, clean/safe, at the right temperature, always with you. 

Option 3 is one that I will sometimes use, and used a lot more when my baby was small and less squirmy. For example, I used the boob shield when I fed my baby during religious services for Yom Kippur (almost more out of deference for those who were fasting than for covering up my body). When I use the boob shield, it is for someone else and it is at my and my baby's inconvenience. 

Option 4 is my favorite, what I generally do, and what I argue that most breastfeeding moms should do if they want to. Just feeding my baby is the most convenient, easiest, most healthy (can't accidentally water poison her, can't accidentally give her formula or milk that has gone bad, she gets all of the good antibodies that do not survive the freezing process, etc), and most comfortable option.

The argument against just feeding her without the rigamarole of the boob shield is that people are offended by the sight of my naked breast (and maybe just find the idea of a baby breast feeding kind of gross? I mean, pregnancy is *so much* grosser if you think about it that this argument is too silly to answer). 

First off, yes, breasts are kind of sexual by nature in that for some folks they're an erogenous zone, but here's the thing: Breastfeeding is not sexual. I'm going to repeat that because it is important: Breastfeeding is not sexual. 

Second, there is NO difference between my nipples and the nipples of an overweight man. The only difference is that milk comes out of mine, but in terms of looks? If you saw a close up picture of my nipples and some man with a lot of chest fat, you would probably not be able to tell the difference. So, if a man's nipples are fair game in public spaces, so are mine. Get over it. Third, let's say the cultural baggage of women's nipples is too strong to resist and you absolutely find nipples sexual and therefore offensive - Don't look. It's just that simple. My boobs are great and all but they are not flashy neon lights in a dark room - you can avert your eyes. It is for the comfort of those folks (who I don't blame for being products of our society) that I will try to be discrete with my boobs when feeding. 

Here's the thing, exposing your genitals in public can be a form of sexual violence. Genitals are sexual and the act of exposing them can be a sexual act therefore, like all other sexual acts, you need consent! If you want to go be naked in a public forum for sexual titillation, more power to you! ust make sure that the public forum you choose is a nude beach, sex club, or other place where folks are consenting to being a part of your sexual act. My breasts are not genitals. The incidental exposure of my breasts/nipples during breastfeeding is not sexual. When you say I shouldn't breastfeed in public, you are saying that what I am doing with my child is sexual and that offends me.

So, I'm going to keep feeding my baby in public and I'm going to keep doing so without fighting to cover up. Anyone who cannot differentiate between my caring for my child and sex should probably do some work on themselves and their own baggage. That is not my problem. 

*Check out Breast: A Natural and Unnatural History for more info on the history of the term mammal and a bunch of other cool stuff. This book will make you maybe not want to breastfeed your kid and get really afraid of using plastics though.